complicated patient you'll be back?

Got a letter in the mail. My discharge summary.

It read "Gp follow up requested; thankyou for your ongoing care of Rebecca, who was recently discharged after a lengthy admission related to her anorexia Nervosa. Her discharge occurred quickly following a decision of the mental health tribunal, which decided she should be on a community treatment order. Plans regarding further follow up will be made, and your ongoing support regarding this complicated patient is much appreciated, as there are concerns she will return to her attempts to lose weight on discharge"

A) they called me a "complicated patient" :O I am shocked and flabbergasted I didn't realise they could judge me like that!

B) "as there are concerns she will return to her attempts to lose weight on discharge" they have so much faith in me again flabbergasted wtf does no one think I can recover?! I knew they were worried i'd be "back in two weeks" but still! I've made it a week now to prove these bastards wrong!

I'm at day 6 of being home and after trying this whole recovery thing...again ! The wheels are starting to fall off as anorexia slithers her way into my brain. AGAIN! I don't know what to do I meet with my team tomorrow but there's not a hope of opening up after 9 admissions in the last year any decline to them is enough to send me back to the loony bin especially being on a CTO. And I'm not in a mood to risk it.

I'm fighting going on a pure liquid diet. Oh the joys.

In other news I'm now looking at deferring my course (if i get accepted) and instead of moving home or moving interstate I'm looking at moving country to live on an exchange program with our swedish friends for 6-12mths its all very exciting and motivational to get better but in a strange sense also all i can think is i'll be free with my anorexia. WHY DOES ANOREXIA RUIN EVERYTHING!?!? and in the meantime i just have to keep plodding along eating and engaging with my treating team -_-'

Oh and apparently I have BPD traits as i hear a "female voice" inside my head... for those of you who don't understand this.is.my.Anorexia, makes me think dr's are so fucking ignorant! Anorexia NOT BPD!!!