Update

I don't even know where to start I suppose the beginning is best.

Friday I went to the disability looking for work agency. The lady I met with was named Martine she was very tall and beautiful for her age of 51 she didn't look a day over 40. She was warm and I felt comfortable taking to her about my wacked up life minus the fact she studied psychology and spent the whole appointment analysing me. She set me some homework to read a book and borrow it from the local library. It was meant to get me out of the house. She doesn't know yet I compromised, I downloaded the free sample on my phone. That can be our little secret. Sssh

Then I got home and had an email from the phone company I was getting my phone through. I had been turned down. So I spent a good 3hrs on the phone and internet trying to get my credit history up so I would be accepted to no avail mind you. So I went into the store yep you heard right I WENT IN! The guy that served me was exceptionally helpful. I left the store new phone in hand at about 4pm.

Saturday night I slept at my sisters. For some reason that's where a lot of my negative thinking happens but at the same time it can be my great escape. Going over there also reminds me how much I want to move out I guess I need to get my ass into gear. Sunday was mothers day I bought my mum a dressing gown for when she goes to hospital in July and surprised her with a beautiful bunch of orange roses.

Which brings us up to date. The morning started cold windy and wet. I had a 10am appt with my councillor. I don't understand why I'm going we talk about random crap which is totally irrelevant to what is actually on my mind and taking place wreaking havoc in my life. And it's only a 30minute sesh so by the time I'm feeling more comfortable to talk it's time to leave. I just feel like such a joke. Like a fake. Like a fraud. How can I expect to be taken seriously when I'm such a low life? I have no self love only hate lives in my cold heart.