I guess I should try to compose a little something. It's been a week. But really there is nothing to say. Not worth saying anyway. Life is such an effort! I've been struggling to stay afloat but i have a milestone approaching (more on that at a later date).
I've been seriously thinking about locking myself in my room again. Buying cigarettes. Downing coke zero. Overdosing. Anything to clear my mind. I can't believe it, I'm so close and yet so far. I feel like life is slipping away from me like sand through my fingers. I'm sinking in quick sand. It's consuming me like a wave.
As I retreat into my own mind my escaping the house diminishes at a rapid rate. I've left the house on one occasion since last Thursday i stayed the night at my sisters and had a GP appointment the following day so i don't know if that counts as one or two either way my social life is suffering. All my friends. And i mean ALL have ditched me. Its an effort i no longer have energy to give.
Everything is an effort. I'm just so, exhausted. I'm ready to give up and give in.
Having an ED and juggling that and life can do that to you. It's extremely stressful. When I first developed my ED I felt so much pressure to be my best self and that in addition to the demands of the outside world almost pushed me over the edge. Remember to take time out to love and take care of yourself too. You deserve that.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. The feeling of always needing to be perfect. It landed me in hospital far too many times. Thank you for you kind words I'd love to have you keep following my blog! Look after yourself too 💛
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