8-9.30 Wake up in the morning (or should I say get up my sleeping is so out of pattern)
10.30-11 to for a walk 4.7k give or take (and somewhere before here I slot in a weigh in)
12-1 arrive home and collapse on the couch careful not to get up too often because when your not careful the dizzies will jump out like the monster that lurke's under your bed
5 make the dogs dinner
6 mum will routinely ask if I'm eating with the family or if ill have an ensure to which I'll reply "no, maybe later" later never comes
7.30-8 have a bath soak in the water whichever temperature my body craves lately it's cold
8.30-9.30 go to bed
12.30 and the restless sleepless night begins
I really don't do a lot but I am running of reserves. And throughout the entire day I'm having conversations in my head like a crazy cat lady with Anorexia who delivers false hope and promises.
Not a lot else to say really I've lost 6.55kg in the last month with 4.9 since December 30 my BMI has dropped from a healthy 21 to an underweight 18.9 (today). Today marks day 5 of no food and barely any water yes my body is going INSANE! But I just can't nourish it I sit there with an ensure and will myself to drink it but ended up tipping it down the sink in a flurry of tears not even able to get a sip in.
But today's accomplishment half a glass of Pepsi Max! (which is a start if nothing else I've been craving it like mad!) and being 500g away from my discharge weight 19/9 which I should meet tomorrow.
In other news I'm meeting one of my nurses (I met in hospital and nick named mumma-b) on Wednesday I'm excited and really nervous I'm petrified she'll think I'm fat so my aim is to lose another 1.9kg before then. We're just going to go somewhere quite like a park in the afternoon (after I've gone for my ridiculous walk that take everything out of me so this'll be interesting) because I can't handle people.
I suppose this is really poorly articulated so I'll leave it there
Xxx Bec
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