glutton for failure

Food, food, food. You'd think I'd learn. Apparently not. 1,495calories later. Coffee, low fat ice cream, diet jelly, iced coffee, big mac burger, lrg chips, cheeseburger, soup. Disastrous. I'm so full I keep burping and puking in my mouth. Disgusting! I escaped to macca's at lunch time today I was starving as I tend to do so lately but now I just feel sick mentally and physically. I'm a pig, no thats and insult to the poor animal. I'm a glutton for failure.

Well I should hopefully be moving tomorrow where all temptation is taken away. I can start from scratch. Every minute every time I say 'no thankyou' every day is a new beginning. I can do this! I have to do this. I've done it before. I'm too fat for anything else.

I'm a failure no matter which way I swing I can never eat or not eat enough without guilt piling up that I could of done better even when not a morsel enters my body for say...8 days.

Hospital life is quite boring I sleep through the majority of the day waking when people wish to take my blood pressure or to bother me with food. I vow that tomorrow will be a better day as I do every day.

My neighbour left today after being told there was 'no medical reason to keep (him)' well now I have a new neighbour his name too is graham, thing is...its an old friends step dad I didn't account on that one! We did that awkward look at each other then I pulled my curtain around. I can barely deal with the nurses let alone people I know...used to know.