Another day, another gram

My hands are a pretty (jks)  mottled colour. My body freezing already like  death breathing down your neck whispering to you it's sickly sweet lullabies.

Euphoric. I'm like a crack addict. Except I'm addicted to my anorexia.

I went to the linen party last night. There was so much junk food chips, crackers, dips, party pies, sausage rolls. You name it I'm sure you could of found it. It was like a sensory overload the food dancing with your tastebuds. But anorexia won that fight. 

I managed an entire half a cup of coffee yesterday! And I lost a further 500g and .2 of my bmi today. It pays off I suppose. And any loss is a win at the moment (and in no way do I encourage eating disorders but I have full support and sympathy to those already suffering--it needed to be said).

Being told you look "healthy" and "unrecognisable" is like being hit with a brick in the face. But it's time to pick myself up and keep going. 

You know what I find most depressing? Seeing my friends in recovery loving life. Living life! And here I am in my own little corner grappling at anorexias feet more miserable then ever. But, happier now I'm losing again. In denial that it won't happen again.

No idea what the plan is today :P