Home sweet home

I'm home on extended weekend leave and, I'm failing dismally.

Today I have managed a whole 194cals broken down that's 2 pieces of bread and 2 eggs (@6.30 at night may I add) it's taken me a whole day to manage not even a quarter of my meal plan there's no hope at reaching.

And now that I've eaten I've taken a silent vow not to eat again before Tuesday. Should be a sinch but I'm a little out of practice and my hearts already not coping I though it was going to give out on me walking from the bus stop home which is quite literally just around the corner.

And somehow somewhere in amongst this I'm still praying for discharge on Tuesday. A girl can have dreams can't she? Apparently not when they are this far fetched. If I am by some miracle discharged there must be something seriously wrong, and I don't know who with, me or 'the team'?

I went to the cinemas with my little sister today and wasn't even able to enjoy myself I was fretting over the tea I drank earlier on. Well now I've eaten too my anxiety is through the roof so I've popped one of my favourite pills-lorazepam-in the hopes that I will just drift off to sleep. But even there I'm still haunted by food.