Making room

Well, well, well. It's been a while i've had a record 4 posts this month and the months nearly over D: so sad. I will try to be more regular. Sometimes i just land myself in a hole. I just can never find the words or something anyone would even be slightly interested in reading about. I don't write this blog for other people (well that's sort of true i started it as a means to show others they're not alone) but its turned into a bit of a diary. A place to freely vent without judgement. Something i loved to do was document my life. And then I got so nit picky i stopped and turned to blogger.

Anyway whats news? Let. Me. Tell. You.

My parents got home and i think i learned one thing whilst they were away. I will forever treasure my cousins nieces nephews BUT kid's and I, I don't think are really...compatible? I like to be able to give them back aha. It was fun though whilst it lasted but i was so exhausted by the end of it i didn't think I'd ever be that happy to see my parents walk through the door. I was.

I got drunk with my friend marathoning orange is the new black (I'm also binge watching American horror stories at the moment, my weak spots). Anyway she fell asleep and her Xbox stopped playing the show so i couldn't continue to watch i was so disappointed i woke my friend up she opened her eyes groaned at me and rolled back over. Cue attempt two i got on my hand and knees crawled to the other side of the couch repeated her name and poked her again same result i lost my footing (or kneeing) and fell. On top of her. Right into her boobs! I couldn't get back up so, i fell asleep. There. Right there! We had a good laugh about it in the morning and still today.

My last bit of slightly interesting news is. Said friend told me she was moving out in september. She asked me to move in with her and then reneged saying she needed to think about it (i think i posted about this last time). Well last night i got a message. It was her. She said se had made up her mind and would like me to move in with her. She told me I was "amazing" and she loved me. I felt so touched and loved. My heart i swear skipped a beat. Or 10. Rewind a week, when my mum got back from her holiday i told her my friend was moving out in september it was just trivial information. The following day she asked me if i was moving in with her i stopped stuttered and said something along the lines of "it's been briefly spoken about but nothings set in stone and she's not sure if she wants too and i'm not sure if I want to". Well this morning out of the blue my mum asked me if I was going to move in with her. I'm torn i don't know if i want to. More or less I'm scared. I don't want to ruin our relationship. I don't know if i can support myself. Transport is crap where she wants to move. I don't want to hurt my friend if i get sick and lose her. But, i love the area, i trust my friend, its a good step towards independence, and i won't be lonely. It's a big decision one that CAN'T be made over night, so i was going to keep this information that my friend had decided to myself. But I'm a shocker of a liar so i said "she asked me last night but i'm not sure" so i continued to list my fears. My mum was quick on her feet (or tongue) and said "I think you should move in with her, it would be a good first step for you, and there's always public transport, and you've got time to save". I think she's just trying to get rid of me and i guess my home life is volatile but i don't want to miss the boat with my friend. But its cheap here i have no responsibilities and i'm trying to get my life together is it really smart to uproot? I kinda just want to stay here to spite my mum haha. Maybe I'm just over thinking all of this?

Decisions. Decisions.

God it feels so nice to write a post which isn't about my anxiety or my anorexia or my homelessness or my loneliness or how my life is ruined. Don't get me wrong these thoughts and struggles are still there but I'm making room for happiness.