The joys of life

Well this is just a quick one the world seems to be caving in on top of me I feel suffocated by all the things I should be doing this time of year but just don't have the 'care factor' to do so.

I finished my christmas shopping today, 1.5 weeks shy of christmas. Something I would usually have prepared months before but venturing outside of the comfort of my own home is becoming daunting and scary. The world is a truly traumatic place their is bad around every corner and a little less dramatic just as much good. But my head just can't handle the demands of life. Of living.

Today I ventured outside of my safe haven to face the big bad daunting world. To face the likes of society. I fear there is just far too many cliches and clicks that I just don't fit into now days.

Anyway it wasn't all bad. I came away with a few hours outside of the same monotonous environment. I came away with 75 dollars less then I left home with. I came away with my christmas shopping complete. I came away with socialising with a friend (something I just don't have the time or energy these days to deal with). I came away with a possible house mate in the coming new year.

Every year comes and goes in the same amount of hours and days as the last (regardless of the leap year) but it seems to pass me by in a flash. By the time I grapple with the the idea that another year is upon me a new one is dawning. And either way I still do the same darn thing relapse after relapse hospital admission after hospital admission fight after fight. Over and over.

Tomorrow see's me venturing outside once again to an information session on my chosen course where I find out whether my application has been successful. In one aspect I'm hoping it has been so I can gain a little independence, and a little respite from my home life but in another aspect I'm praying I get declined so I don't have to do this course (My hearts not 100% into it I feel its the wrong decision but I can't admit that to my parents although I think they already know). But time will tell. Maybe I should lie and say I was just declined it would save me all the hassle.

Ah the joys of life