Week of gains

What a week its been!

On Friday my dad got a job as a bus driver after months of longing looking applying and being knocked back he finally has a job and can start paying me back! Excitement plus to have money rather then always having to factor in that I have to financially support my family.

On Saturday night I went to a cricket function where we fake gambled and I met a boy who had me laughing and feeling like i fit in in every way possible interpersonally and externally. I thought this could be something by the end of the night when he was giving me his fake money as I had run out. The next day I had a friend request on facebook and an inbox from him saying he was glad i accepted his friend request. We kept chatting and decided this Saturday (tomorrow) we would go see a movie together,... as friends!

On Tuesday I hade my appointment with my psychiatrist P where he basically said the teams job had been done they had served their purpose and I could basically be sent on my merry way unless I thought there was room to work on the psychological aspects of my Anorexia. I felt like he had dropped me on the head as a baby and left me for dead in the middle of a busy highway. I left and was told the team would be in touch for a check in in a few weeks time if I was still well that'd be the end of it and if I wasn't they would figure out then how to intervene. I'm planning my plight. I just don't know if I should wait until there's no longer anyone there to save me or if I should let them save me. I don't feel ready to face the big bad world alone yet.

And then yesterday I was messaging said boy again and we made it official at 19 years of age I have my first boyfriend! I'm over the moon with happiness and he's happy too he keeps messaging me saying he misses me and wants to be with me and goodnight beautiful and it feels great to be loved but I wonder if this is a forced relationship it just feels wrong like I'm stepping on egg shells hoping they don't break silently knowing they will. But I guess time will tell maybe it feels wrong because I've never don't this before I know nerves play a huge factor!