I had a melt down yesterday where i refused to eat after i weighed myself for the first time since going into treatment in november I am not going to say the results, I'm still not doing well i haven't eaten all day and i'll probably wait until dinner because my friend is coming over.
We're supposed to be having indian I'm looking forward to it and dreading it both at the same time i like indian but i hate calories plus there will be a lot of empty alcohol calories involved too. But hopefully that will numb me and I will forget about the shit life i have.
I just have to hold it together for another 1-4 weeks because i'm going away and if i refuse to eat before then i won't be allowed to go and i really need a break. I need a break from life. From treatment. From recovery.
I finished my painting today now it's time to start another one for my mum the same safari theme but with giraffes instead of a bird and elephant. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life once I have finished it it's the one thing keeping me going right now. I have no ideas left in my head. Painting is so hard for me but i love it too I'm getting better at it as well, slowly but surely.
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