infection, appointment and holidays

Again I am becoming inconsistent with my blogging. I start writing and then i read it and delete it all because I sound...incoherent all over the place and ramblish (I made that one up its like rambling).

I changed my belly bar for the second time last week (? I bought a pretty one as i will be wearing a bikini almost everyday for the next month and i wanted to show off) and since then the bump i had reached a climax it was hurting to bend and it bleed. I rang my piercer on Sunday and she said to try salt water for a few days and if that doesn't help to pop in. Well I'm glad to say after a course of salt water and bepanthem for the last two days it has decreased quite dramatically in size from about 1/2 to 3/4. I did however go in to see my piercer today to get a 'treatment' in case it flared back up because I'm going away but she wasn't open. Who doesn't open at 9am on a weekday!?

Then i wondered up to my psych appt at 10. I lied to her...a lot. Shes trying to help but i just dont want it any more. I didn't disclose my disasterous weekend alone which resulted in one meal a day. I also didnt tell her i bought razors especially for cutting and i also didnt tell her im looking at doing my school in a different state with my grandparents. I did tell her i feel abandoned, like i should discontinue therapy and that i dont want to be labeled BPD.

I leave tomorrow at about 7.45 the bus leaves at 8.15 i get to the airport at 9.40 and then my flight doesnt leave until 11.05 I'm due to get in at 12.15 their time (they are an hour behind us). I'm almost all packed i went to the shop last night and picked up the last few things all thats left to pack is my toiletries and computer (or at least thats all that i can think of). I have two suitcases full incase i do decide to stay (even if i do i have to come back home for a week or two to tie up loose ends and get some more stuff). I'm so excited to go to start fresh to accomplish something with my life.

Talking about buying the last few things to pack last night, I bought new bras i went from an Australian size 12B to a Australian size 14D! :O WHAT THE FUCK!? My boobs are officially huge (I now know where i have placed all this weight!)