Well it has been just over a week since i last posted. And since then i have arrived safely in the home of my grandparents. Its not going as well as i had planned. I am actually really not doing well at all i have entered struggle town again and it's not letting up. I am constantly thinking about relapse. I spoke to my mum on the phone last night and let her know i was struggling she told me to take it one step at a time and that i was doing great. We all know how anorexia interprets 'great'...fat!
My little sister is apparently suicidal so she's moving out to live with my older sister who too is suicidal great combo or what!? Although its not yet set in stone. My family is just one big fucked up mess. What did my parents ever do to deserve us horrible shits for kids? I wish i could just remove myself form the family erase their memory that i ever existed and let them be free. They don't deserve this!
My grandma just came into my room and reminded me that i promised her when i booked the flights up here i would come to her healthy but this isn't about health I can't stop these things from happening she'll only send me home so it doesn't really matter I don't care if I go home early I care about my anorexia about getting thin about the high about the power the control I show the determination I possess. And I wish to dear god she would stop telling me how proud she is of me and my efforts to conquer Anorexia she has no idea and its so patronising!
No comments:
Post a Comment