Curiosity got the cat

I fear my body is beginning to fail me. I still feel almost ok.
I'm still standing
I'm still breathing
That has to be a good sign right?

My granddad is a dr so he has all his doctor-ey stuff lying about his office stethoscopes bp machines yeah everything you need to build your own gp clinic in a home. Well he drifted off to sleep after lunch and curiosity got the cat. Was my pulse still low? (I honestly was surprised to hear it was on Tuesday as it is NEVER low high but not low!) how was my bp holding up?

Well sitting there with the cuff around my arm door pulled over ears on high alert I pressed start. The cuff tightened and made a slight buzzing sound. Please don't let anyone hear. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. A few seconds later the results were in.
Sitting bp: 146/96
Sitting hr: 149

So then of course I had to do the standing one see if there was any change or if my mind was just making up the fact that I was dizzy upon standing and lethargic from the simple task of walking from the front door to the back room. Again I pressed start and the cuff strangled my arm like it was trying to kill something. Again a few seconds later the results were in.
Standing bp: 126/102
Standing hr: 166

That's a 20 systolic drop! Now I'm faced with the fear do I make a gp appointment tomorrow what if it straightens up by tomorrow? No one will believe me and I sure as hell can't tell anyone I've been checking it because if I knew something was wrong I should just pick up the fork or spoon or whatever and just eat something! If only it was that easy. I would be a millionaire with a quick fix to anorexia sufferers.

I haven't eaten today and nor have I been expected to thank heavens I can't deal with the anguish of another argument. My dad was looking for one last night but I just didn't have the energy and hung up and ignored the following txts. Why does everyone want to fight with me in time I will sort my shit out. I always do. Just hang on and give me a while!

I'm praying for tomorrow that they admit me yet I'm panicking they might and I will have to concur. I want help but then I don't.

My head is torment anyone want to swap for a day or so so I can have some reprieve