Magic pill?

I've spent the afternoon in my room crying. I spent all of last night crying too. I think I'm all dried up like a prune now.

My mum told me last night I was the root to all my families problems. 

I cried.

I had my psych appt today and my anorexia needless to say is overcome with joy. He discharged me. I always knew deep down I was a hopeless case and everyone would give up on me. 

I headed for the gp I didn't even tell him the tests he was supposed to run I didn't see the point I was tired. I am tired.

I got home and cried I had no support. What was I going to do? My resolve? Die.

I went inside and spoke to my mum she asked me if I was going to see jigsaw I said no. She said I needed to call Collins place. Tomorrow. I asked what she had said to peter "I'm getting off the carousel you need to find somewhere else to live now it's time for the kids" I asked how long she said ASAP.

I went back to my room and cried.

I told my dad we needed to talk. I told him I needed money to move out. That mum didn't want me. He said that wasn't true she wanted me to eat. He said everyone had given up on me I needed to help myself. He said I wouldn't get housing as I'm too unstable and can't support myself.

I cried. 

Then I heard my parents fighting. About me. I couldn't make out the words. My little sister told me dad didn't want to kick me out as I didn't have the money and mum didn't care it was my problem.

Then my mum came to my room told me I couldn't rely on eds why wouldn't I just go to jigsaw. Maybe because they wanted to label me bpd which I don't have or maybe it was because they fucked my sister up more maybe it was because I don't like new people maybe it was because they don't actually deal with eating disorders so how were they going to help!? I didn't tell her any of this instead I barricaded up and said "because I don't why don't you go" "because it's your problem, your ruining my life *slams door*" 

Cue more tears

Then I had this thought I have a cocktail of medication olanzapine mirtazapine seroquel lorazepam escitalopram I could easily kill myself solve everyone's problems. I won't it was a spur of the moment desperate thought. But I don't see another solution we're in a gridlock. I will wait for 'nature' to take it's course.

I guess I'm depressed today my world is falling apart and I'm destroying everyone else's while I'm at it. 

I just want it to end. Someone give me a magic pill. Please :'(