Dehydration

It's Saturday the last time i checked in was Thursday. Not much has changed. My grandpa isn't really on speaking terms with me. I think we are ignoring the fact I'm not eating. The big fat elephant in the room. He dropped me off at school and that was the closest we had been in days figuratively and literally. But sitting there I felt like an alien from outer space. There was more distance between that short space then there ever had been before between us.

Today we have a family reunion. A whole lot of people I know are related to me but put there name in front of me and ask me who they are and i'd be asking you exactly the same question "Who's who?". The hustle of this house today is overwhelming at least. I went to sleep for a short hour and a half and then was awoken for cake and candles. I found the candles and refused the cake. 3.5 days since i last ate. I have no hunger pangs at all its...strange. But the food today is tantalising it's the devils food! I will not eat I promise you that.

I'm getting dehydrated fast. My body feels as dehydrated as my relationship with my grandparents is at present. All dried up. Maybe the decline this time will be faster then last, maybe my body is finally giving up on me? I am just struggling to provide for my body I know this cycle I've ridden it time and time again. You'd think I'd learn the basics of restricting by now.

My friend back home has offered me to stay with her a couple weeks if i get sent home. I think it would be best. But my grandma keeps talking about me like she won't let me leave. I hate these mind games I don't know where I stand.

I'm down 4kilos since Wednesday

A picture of my funky dehydrated tongue :P