I've been trying to write for a few ays now and everytime i start its just not right. So hopefully the words will come to me now as its late i'm not medicated up (yet) as school finished an hour ago. Yay for late nights and early morning classes.
I woke early this morning my grandparents fumbling with the door. Gran had an eye appointment initially she comes home blind but then in a few days her sight will be better then ever.
I sat in the sitting room (ironic aye?) and listened to my music 10.30 ticked by and still my phone hadn't rung. I was waiting for my psychologist back home to ring. 11 o'clock came and the illusive over the rainbow chimed. Blocked number. It was her. My heart fluttered with anticipation and anxiety. We spoke for 20minutes.
She was going over accomodation with me. Where I could live when I get home. She noted my too and fro of where I want to be when I'm in a particular place I wanted to be it turns out I don't want to be there anymore. She wants me to do a pros and cons list. She said she's happy to help me. She said she'd ring next Tuesday at 11 my time.
She told me I can live wherever I want it's not my parents decision. And that if I go into mental health housing I have to be prepared to engage in treatment. Blah.
She asked how I was going I couldn't lie I told her I was eating one meal a day she asked how I was physically I told her I'm getting dizzy and the shakes she ordered me to have regular physicals with my gp she's going to ring him :P damn bugger damn. I like keeping him at a distance. She told me she didn't trust my anorexia when I said I was fine pointing out to me how many times before this had happened and i wasn't. Yes I know.
She also told me the online service had contacted her and she suggested in the mean time having phone calls with them I agreed. She actually wanted me to go in and see them I didn't feel comfortable with that. I just don't like seeing people face to face these days.
I forgot to tell her about my assessment on Wednesday.
I'm tryin to fight sometimes I just lose sight of what I'm fighting for.
Well now its time for me to do my psych homework or at least get a start on it it's been bugging me all afternoon.
Oh and just off topic I met a friend in hospital about a year ago we became close she also became one of my biggest triggers but she always knows how to cheer someone up my last medical ward admission she visited me every few days bought in colourings, books, cards you name it. Well i got home from school today to find a parcel on my desk it was a box of 64 affirmation cards so beautiful I am so blessed to have her :') it really was just what I needed
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