Well today was another day in my turbulent life. It came with its worries and anxieties. But compared to the last week and a half it was a good day. I still haven't eaten anything solid. And my diet of coke zero or black coffee continues to ride my life.
Since as long as I can remember I have been told "you learn something new everyday" and today that's true. I learnt why all the Ed specialists condemn coke and coffee. They are stimulants (I already knew this) but they are also diuretics (I didn't know this). Way to make a smart girl feel dumb.
I had a gp appointment to get my blood test results. Silently I was praying something would be a skew. So then somebody would take me seriously. But alas nothing was. My blood count was low but still within normal ranges.
I had a mini argument with the gp feeling like I was talking to a brick wall I gave up and retreated to reception to sign my bill.
I came home in tears telling my grandma I need help I know I do and that I was going to ring triage I wanted help. I did just that and they put me through to my newly assigned case worker. I met with her on Tuesday. She seemed nice a little patronising but nothing I couldn't deal with. I spoke to her addressing the fact I need intervention...now.
I was on the verge of pleading with her to make me ip give me a tube do something. Anything! She said I needed to see my gp and i explained over the last week I have I explained that my bloods were fine and I had lost a "significant amount of weight" I told her it didn't feel like enough though even after she expressed it was a large amount.
We have an appointment booked for monday and I am praying I just make it to monday. My energy levels are suffering. She urged me to try something in the lead up anything a banana and water smoothie, sips of water, milk in my coffee, juice anything but coffee and diet coke. I explained my biggest 'fear foods' bread, potato, water (I'm scared of water weight) and milk and she said we would steer clear of these she said anything i consume will help my body and it will be used instantly.
My psychologist back home rang me today and said good-bye and discharge me I didn't want a bar of it I feel sad that we finished on a sour note but how can she choose to abandon someone in crisis!? It wasn't worth fighting build a bridge and get over it and if you can't, go and become an engineer.
Which brings me to the final topic I need to address. I'm not going home. I'm staying on the Gold Coast. If i go home I'm going home to nothing no family no home no school no job and no treating team. Nothing. At least here I have a family (even if we are not on speaking terms) a house a school and I'm establishing a treating team. My life is here now. I need to get over the fact that my home is in Geelong. I need to grow up suck it up and move on.
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