There's no place like home

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home" - Dorothy, The Wizard Of Oz

Too bad I can't tap my ruby shoes three times and say those magical words and I would be home sweet home. 

I'm finding it increasingly difficult being here. Coping. I'm resorting to seroquel to dull the booming voice in my head. But let's face it I can't live off seroquel for the rest of my life when life gets tough.

I just want to be home in my bed in my hometown surrounded by my family and friends and my dog not my uncles'. I don't want to have to keep pretending I don't want to have to keep eating. 

I'm about to fall AGAIN I can always feel these moments. I can feel a relapse sneaking up on me like a train, at first you don't notice it until it's right on top of you and you can't move. That's what it feels like. Suffocating. I'm about to let the whole world down. But if I stop eating maybe my gran will send me home?