goodbye?

It's my brothers birthday and my anxiety is through the roof I've already taken 4lorazapam and I'll probably take yet another two although my daily limit is 4mg (yeah im...overdosing) I don't care I'm desperate to keep things under wraps until Wednesday (my first day of going vegetarian wooo) I have to hold my shit together so my parents don't get suss and I have to keep my shit together or I won't be able to go shopping where it's just aisles and aisles of calories that could contaminate me :/

I must be brave I need to stay strong

Things too look forward to this week; gym membership, going vegetarian

I've been closely working with family friends trying to get me over to sweden to study nursing next year its all doable but apparently we have to go through a student exchange agency which makes it near to impossible when I have less then half the fund ... $10000.00. And without a job I can almost say with 100%certainty I won't be going :(

I write this blog and I see people have read my blog but it still feels like a lonely isolated world I'm wondering if maybe I should give my blog the flick as I'm not getting any support that i thought I might get. Guess i was delusional *sighs* I'll give it a few more posts