Heart Damage

So I had my dr's appt today. It was the first time I had seen her since june...of LAST year! And man was I pooping my pants!

It was a total disaster! Last year I couldn't even look at her and today I stared at her the whole appointment. As my friend said she was able to admire my eyes for the first time.

Why was it a disaster I hear you ask? Well, at first she didn't recognise me! Which to me translates as you've gained so much weight! Not as what it probably meant, you've grown up, you have glasses, you have long hair, your not in school clothes.

Then was the inevitable "How are you question" I stuttered and said "ah...yeah...ah...ok...ah...maybe...not" which of course then needed an explanation I explained how my intake has dropped back to 0 over the past 2 weeks and all I'm living off is one chai tea a day. Lets just say she wasn't impressed.

She is even going to talk to my OP team as I am "her responsibility" so I am dreading a phone call from them. She seems to think I won't make it to next thursday (My next OP appt) at this rate I told her I would. And then she asked "why are you so optimistic" my response "Well somebody has to be!" she then continued to patronise me with "well the only way your going to achieve that is by eating which i take it you won't be doing." Argh DISASTER!

A lot of she said I saids haha

I also found out my pulse is too fast and I have an enlarged heart enzyme something about I've done damage to the heart muscle :/ so I have to have another blood test urgently and an ECG urgently blahh.

Maybe I'll live off one can of diet coke for the next week? Less calories...

Damn it I just got the phone call I was dreading My psychologist says I have to get the ECG done TODAY as they are dealing with some "really serious stuff now talking about (your) heart". But she didn't mention that I'm not eating really she just said she knows it's really hard at the moment and to try my hardest over the next week so I can stay out of hospital. And to keep that as my motivation. I said I'd try but honestly I don't care enough too try!

Also I lost 700g from yesterday finally my weight has stopped being stagnant! *Does a dance*