Unsteady

Since I stopped taking my medication...3ish days ago? I have stopped having my weight jumps up by 100-200g overnight which is a relief! But now in the morning it stays the same! Which is disheartening to say the least. Today I've lost a measly 200g putting me an exact loss at  5kg (11pounds) in the last week to the day tomorrow which has me feeling good and yet something yearns for more what if i gain before tomorrow??? D: 

By quarter to 12 today i was feeling really guilty as I had already consumed some diet coke in the hopes to keep my electrolytes somewhat stable. The feeling of being on the brink of passing out 24/7 is indescribable its pure hell and my body takes the brunt of it

Weigh in at clinic tomorrow 18hrs and counting. The thought of being honest tomorrow is scaring the shit out of me. My mind quickly turns to maybe I should lie to keep anorexias secret life secret! Which can I say is going to be almost impossible with the impending weigh in. But then if my psych rings my dad I will be found out automatically so is there really much point in  making up fables about how much I'm consuming? Not really, I'm at such a loss as anorexias puppet.

I have almost made it to Thursday without being caught passing out although my mum noticed last night and asked if I was feeling "unsteady" I snapped back "no" I barely made it to the chair before collapsing :/. Not to mention I just collapsed and my sister caught me and called my mum where my dad apparently said "there's nothing we can do" so starve starve starve I shall

Its no longer a matter of what i want but a matter of what i need. And what I need is help!