Well as per every week I had an Outpatients appt at the clinic with my psychologist that invited the registrar along. That didn't end well, I told him I hate him and wouldn't speak with him in the room. He quickly left. So then I was left with my psychologist. How could I possibly lie to that? I had to be open and honest since I'd quite abruptly made him leave. Which meant telling her I'm not eating nearly as much as I should be.
She was real sweet about it and didn't force anything upon me but did give me three options
1. send you home to starve
2. send you home to try and eat
3. send you to hospital
I worked on the first two options but told her I'm finding it extremely difficult to just open my mouth for food she understood and suggested we put a referral into melbourne solemnly I hung my head and agreed.
How did I get this sick so fast I can never understand how anorexia can just rear its ugly head when things are going so well!
She didn't weigh me due to my honesty so that was a relief. I have to get a script written up for lorazapam because I'm running out rapidly due to my increased anxiety so she booked an appointment on thursday with the consultant and just quietly I'm shitting myself, he's lovely but very domineering. He gets what he wants and I'm scared that'll be straight to hospital no beating around the bush. I have to put my best case forward which means attempting to eat soup and diet jelly for the next two days. Likeliness of happening...0
Yesterday I bought 2 boxes of laxatives popped them all and put them in a little mesh bag and hid them in my teddy I am no longer 1 year free of laxatives as I popped and swallowed them like candy.
Tomorrow marks 2 years since my diagnosis of Anorexia maybe that's my trigger? I always find it hard around this time of year for that fact. I don't know, the point is I've relapsed and my team know and are pushing to do something. If I'm lucky I'll convince the consultant to do the NGT at home in the meantime *sighs*
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