You are the light

Finally after a week of living off one chai tea a day I'm allowing myself 90calories worth of soup. It's not a lot but it's something! My next goal is to up the anti and allow myself a vegetarian meal plan. I have to push myself if I'm ever to have an independent life away from the watchful eye of my parents. It's torturous at the moment my head is doing circles but I have to look at the end game. I heard a quote once which went something like "There is no light at the end of the tunnel there is only you. You are the light" I just have to keep reminding myself of this. I am the only one that will save me.

I haven't been doing much crochet but I have been watching a lot of documentaries on anorexia a tv series called 'intervention' I can't tell if it's triggering to my anorexia or not but I'm hooked. I've also been doing a 2.2k walk a day it's not a lot but I'm working up to my bigger 6k walks I was doing at my sickest it's just so hard when you don't have the energy. But yet I continue to push myself. I keep looking at my end goal of being at my 'dream' weight again. I'm just not comfortable with where I'm at. I have been weighing myself religiously again which I know is a bad habit today I promised not to weigh myself and I have kept that promise. And I am proud of this achievement I will try to leave weighing to my psychologist so I can focus on attempting an oral meal plan.

This is much of a nothing post but I felt an update was needed the world is just such a scary place at the moment my Anorexia feels like the safest thing. I think I have also just realised that part of my downfall may be that I haven't been keeping up with my regular meds...woops.

Xx Bec xX