What a day

Fear food of the day...milk. Looks like I'll be eating my porridge from here on out with water :(. So that means I am yet again scared of bread, milk and potatoes. My fears increase as my 'safe' foods decrease.

Today we ventured our way up to melbourne to see North Melbourne (afl team) train I only agreed to go to immerse myself in civilisation otherwise I'm going to end up holed up in my house a reject of society. My anxiety is slowly peaking so I'm resorting back to my happy drug; Lorazapam. And yes that means I blew off my friends today with the good old excuse *cough cough* "I'm sick". It just felt...safer.

Small pleasure of the day though was soaking up the spring sun and the footy atmosphere but oh.my.god.SO.many.people!

I am supposed to be in recovery I'm at a 'healthy' weight and haven't hated my body more. It has never really felt like I've been in recovery as I've always dabbled in eating disordered behaviour. When my AN takes hold I make goal weights and for the first time in a long time...I've made them

GW1: 70kg- 154pounds (My only guess is that i weigh more then this although I don't actually know)
GW2: 68kg- 149pounds
GW3: 61- 134pounds (My 'safe' weight)
GW4: 58kg- 127pounds
GW5: 56kg- 123pounds
GW6: 54kg- 119pounds
GW7: 51kg- 112pounds (My 'safe' weight)

I will leave you again with a few pictures that sum up the day

Favorite player #2: Ben brown (My dad calls him baby giraffe)

 My signed cap I got for free

My favorite player #1: Mason Wood aka My boyfriend ;)

Enjoying a coffee in the car ride up

UPDATE: I was going to get a gym membership today but my mum wasn't happy at all she gave me the third degree. My dad then signed in the background wait until Monday I think...I hope, he's going to try and bring her round