So the morning was kickstarted at 8.30am with the overnight feed being turned off and a rude awakening of a cold water flush. How refreshing? lol jks. I rolled over and was going to go back to sleep when my mum told me quite clearly "No" so looks like it was time for me to wake up and get up.
9.30am called for my pre arranged yesterday appointment with my psychiatrist. I felt odd and out of place, it was a new building that I had never been too before. So it felt even weirder when upon leaving I was asked to get a referral to see my psychiatrist apparently my referral had run out which i couldn't understand i had never been to that building before apparently its a general referral which covers any building my psychiatrist works at.
Anyway back to my appointment. We walked out of the elevator and were giving our names to the receptionist when P walked out waving and very chipper so off we went in a foreign building to a foreign consultation room with four foreign chairs, a desk, computer and computer chair. P opened with congrats on the last two weeks at home and then he said what I was dreading hearing "They have a bed available for you... tomorrow" then posed the question do we accept or decline? My mum said she wanted me to do the full program and do a bit of self-discovery and learn about my Anorexia. My dad agreed he thinks I've been doing well but believes I've come to a stand still in my recovery and doesn't know if it's sustainable for much longer I'm either off or on and he thinks I'm bordering off. I think he's right although I hated to admit it. I did. And P agreed that we would be "silly not to take up the offer". He says it's not my decision and its up to him and my careers which put my mind at ease a little. He is a little worried I will go backwards. I know I will i always go backwards before I go forwards.
So the verdict is he's varying my CTO to make me an involuntary inpatient (which means its then up to RMH to leave me on an ITO or CTO when I am eventually discharged). I am being admitted. And I'm not happy, I packed my bags and just wanted to cry it feels like I'm packing up my life. My friend came and visited so she could say good-bye she says she'll visit I don't know that she will but its the thought that counts. My sister also bought my niece over so I could say good-bye. My sister now too is headed to the psych unit tonight to see if she will be admitted for suicidal thoughts. We could be twinsies haha. Although she'd be in St Vincents and I in Royal Melbourne.
A positive is I will have my phone and computer and have access to internet so expect daily updates from me still :)
I'm tired now.
Xx stay strong and positive
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