Today has been the hardest yet for a long time.
First the endo team came along and I swear they hate me and think I'm a nuisance taking up one of their precious beds. The way they treat me is so disrespectful and ignorant. They have no sympathy or compassion and really just want to move me along as fast as they can to who knows where. Why can't they treat me with the same respect they would treat someone with a broken leg just because my illness is mental and has some physical components doesn't mean I should be treated in any lesser of a manner to those with a pure physical ailment.
Secondly I met with the dietician which ended with me in tears and even more determined not to eat. She doubled the NGT feed rate to 40mls an hour. Yes I cried over 20mls of jevity. Not to mention I cried over the fact she wouldn't decrease the water flushes which went from 50mls every 4hours yesterday to 200mls every 3hours today. It has completly done my head in. I can't believe I'm crying over spilt milk. It's pathetic but I can't handle it my anorexia is ravaging through my head like a wild fire and I feel completly nauseous.
Thirdly the nurses keep waking me up at some ungodly hour to do water flushes with cold water or boiling water. Um hello I would like to keep my oesophagus in tact! I am human and yes I can feel that!
And lastly my psychiatrist was supposed to come in this afternoon so we could discuss the possibility of being discharged today or tomorrow. Which will have to be tomorrow as it will take the dietician a day to get the NGT feeds ready to be done at home. Well surprise surprise he can't be counted on as he didn't turn up. Which again has me left feeling disheartened at the least. I just want to know if I can go home already I'm bored as fuck and going out of my mind insane!
So now I pray for a better day tomorrow it's all I can do.
Oh and today marks 100posts.
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