What a day

I woke up this morning at 9.30 to do a water flush through my NGT and ended up collapsing to the floor in agony I had a splitting headache that saw no justice for the wicked so instead of completing my 100ml flush I only managed 60mls before creeping back to bed with some nurofen on board.

At 3pm I had a GP appointment which went better then my last two appointments where she sent me to A&E. I was so worried about a repeat episode especially when I had a postural drop and my hr increased quite dramatically she said thats early signs of dehydration...again. I swear to god though I.AM.A.CAMEL! I told her to have a little faith in my body I told her nobody does and she responded with "with good reason" blaah. She asked if I had heart palpitations I said no but she's starting to recognise my routine answers and asked "if you did would you tell me?" my response "no".

But that's ok i got a phone call from my psychologist today she asked how I was and as per normal I said I was "fine" which she interprets as "I'm not fine at all" little did she say this though. I have an appointment next thursday at 12 with my psychologist and the dietician. Have I mentioned I hate new people? Well if not I am now. I hate new people. She then proceeded to ring my dad to explain the plan of attack with appointments. Well I opened up to my dad last night telling him I was doing it tough and feeling predominately fat. He quite nicely proceeded to tell my psychologist this and ask for an appointment on Tuesday if she has any cancellations.

I have had an epiphany and figured out that in the short term i must comply and confess my sins and take my pills and nod and agree and blah blah blah so that in the long term future I can be free, to delve into the depths of my Anorexia.