Last night was a blast it was full of laughs and good cheer. I even saw a guy there that I might fancy a little :3 . We didn't get home until 1am this morning and the time just flew by. Due to our late coming I didn't get hooked up to the NG feed last night because it was too late and it wouldn't of finished until 2pm and I was meeting a friend today at 12.20 not because I had been a good girl and eaten enough.
Moving on I met a friend today I hadn't seen for 13 months and it was great catching up with her and her antics. After I got over the initial nerves of a) seeing her and b) being late (thanks bus driver). We had a coffee and then bought lunch I went for a safe sushi. She went for a kebab that I could of died for! Maybe next time? That's my goal. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I imagined it would be she did ask what the tube was for which I thought a little silly but I explained it to her anyway and she was so encouraging and supportive.
Then I moved on to the dreaded Swanston centre to visit my Anorexic friend who's sought refuge there (not really she's busting her guts to get out). I vowed never to set foot in those doors again but it was so nice to see her. I wanted to show her that I do care about her, think about her, support her and love her. I hope she got the picture. She seemed happy to see me. 1hr wasn't long enough and 2hrs was too long. But the buses are horrible on a Sunday. I gave her a dream catcher to catch her negative thoughts rather then her bad dreams :). She's got me thinking about courses again dietetics, nursing, patisserie, writing, nail technology? Too.many.choices!!! If I do dietetics I have to move to the sunny coast if I do nursing I have to do the vetassess test (which I did a practice on online SO easy!) I can't find a course on writing except online and I'm not particularly fond of not having a classroom and nail technology I could do anywhere but I'm not sure I want that as a career maybe a hobby?
I'm still toying with the idea of contesting my CTO we will see what tomorrow brings I can't believe I have been sectioned for two years! I want full control of my life again not this you make a wrong step we'll send you to hospital crap. I want to take charge of my life or simply wither away. I haven't quite decided my mood fluctuates between recovery and relapse on an hourly even minute basis. I was thinking about the John Cade unit today I honestly 100% believe to get better I need one more admission there maybe I'm just making things up. Why would I want to get better anyway it only means I'd have my life back and not be preoccupied with ED thoughts 24/7 pfft.
Apparently my sister has an appointment at EDS on thursday to 'learn about anorexia and how to deal with it' I am not impressed she has a psychologist if she can't deal with it she can talk to him about HER inadequacies I have to deal with mine with my team why does she need to interfere with my team? I don't care if it's not about me its about me. My illness. Needless to say me and mum just had a fight about it, she doesn't get my view and thinks I'm being quote "selfish". She better not try to hook me up tonight I'll refuse I'm fuming at her >:<
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