My mum is making me eat dinner with the family it sent my head into a spin and then i thought...
I want to get a handle on my life, and not let anorexia dictate me anymore! I want to go back to school I want to move out. But most of all i want to be healthy I want to prove everyone wrong that I can get better that the pro's have it wrong and I'm not a lost cause.
I look at my parents they're both overweight and i am in awe of how they embrace their figures they don't necessarily like it but they live with it. I don't see any issues with their weight so why is it not ok for me to be healthy? It is! this is a ridiculous notion a stupid rule that my head has made up and its time to blow this theory out of the water.
I can't move on with life if I have a tube coming out my nose I need to get a grip! 2015 is going to be my year between now and then i need to start eating a normal oral meal plan i need to be open and honest with my team.
I can and will do this! I've done it in the past I can do it again and if i 'fail' once i will get back up twice. It's the only way to do it. I'm not saying it's going to be easy I know it's not as long as I can maintain my weight I will be happy if i start to gain weight again however i know this will be a huge trigger Step 1: not weighing everyday. I have weighed 3 times since I've been home. A week today. Moving in the right direction...I hope this positivity lasts we all know how erratic i can be.
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