Unfortunately this morning things took a turn for the worse and I wasn't strong enough to push through. Breakfast, morning tea and lunch were all a fail and I don't think I can handle eating today or tomorrow or the next. It was quite nicely bought to my attention I'm sectioned and therefore they have to call a psych reg if I refuse to eat to review me and decide if the tube has to go back in :''( I'm such a failure why do I always have to fuck up!?
Today my friend ella made the hour long trek up to see me and take me downstairs for a little time off the ward it felt amazing to sit there soaking up the sun. She bought me a banana chai something I have been HANGING for but stupid anorexic me couldn't drink it and had to throw the whole thing away (without her noticing it was full) I felt awful! That is my goal to get back on track so I can drink banana chai so i can go on holiday in january so i can go home for forever so I can feel and be NORMAL!
Well I just met with the psych reg which was a pointless waste of my and his time he basically said there's nothing he can do at the moment and to just keep an eye on my obs, which are declining I'm beginning to get a postural drop again and to review me at ward round on Monday.
I have decided to contest my section I was doing fine at home I don't want to be here anymore! Considering just walking out the front door I'm that sick of this place so fed up i know my parents want the best for me but being in here surrounded by underweight girls is triggering I have never felt this triggered within this environment ever before (except when ella and I are in hospital together)
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