Family Therapy

Today was my first day of 'Family therapy' which entailed the therapist my parents the social worker and the registrar (which both took notes...LOTS of notes.) I felt threatened and I didn't like it one bit I didn't want to put my foot in it or spill the beans on my secret life (which isn't so secret). The therapist came to the conclusion I am an honest, good girl in denial. He wants an individual session with my parents which I'm happy with if it makes them feel better, no skin off my nose. My parent's also spoke about how my siblings feel responsible for my Anorexia by not saying anything when I skipped meals/passed out and are scared I'm going to die. Seem's a little to surreal.

I got all nicely dressed up today because of family therapy and I actually felt good I looked nice had my hair straightened a pair of jeans that are slightly too big for me and a top that makes my boobs look big and my stomach look more flat. A today only sale I believe ;D I feel like I have lost weight (although I know with the meal plan I'm on -a maintenance meal plan) there is no way I would of lost weight :( but a girl can have her hopes and dreams and hey I wouldn't mind being put on a bigger meal plan it calls for more variety in snacks.

My Dad wants me to wait it out the full 5 weeks and if then it still doesn't work for me at least I've tried I like the sound of that it feels like he will accept my behaviour even thought I know he won't ever be happy with my decision but at least then I might not have to pretend to be ok when I'm not like I'm pretending at the moment it's just so god damn hard but I know the way around the system I know what I have to do to get out of here so that's what I'm doing. The utmost minimum. And then maybe they will discharge me home without a CTO?

I can't believe it's been a week tomorrow that I've been here! 4 weeks sounds so much better then 5 and so on and so on time goes so slowly in here but once a week has gone you look back on it and think "gee times flown! what did I do with myself!?" and next week I will be saying three weeks OMG that sounds like a dream. But in the meantime I'm living the nightmare, riding the wave. Planning for a future I may never have. Hoping the team see's me working with them and discharge me early. A girl can hope can't she?

It is official I am addicted to chai tea. We are only allowed three hot drinks a day in here I don't know why probably because they think we're water loading or some crap. But we've been keeping the tin of chai out (the pantry gets locked so we can't get tea/coffee(decaf)/food/condiments at our will) and helping ourselves to upwards of 4 or 5 a day instead it makes me feel naughty and it's...exhilarating!

One of the girls in here I have grown quite fond of and call my twinsie buddy is going home today she came into hospital the same time I was admitted to the medical ward I'm happy for her but sad it feels like our journey together has come to an end even though I know she's just a phone call or facebook message away it has really bought my spirits down it's made me long for home :( soon bec soon

Ward round tomorrow maybe they will talk about discharge? I hope so I can't do this everyones willing me to and I want to surpass my two week admissions here but I don't want to stay here any longer then necessary and I don't even believe I should of been admitted even though the therapist this morning seems to believe I am "so sick" I'm not underweight so my mind doesn't see it this is just a stop gap admission I'm in limbo not going forwards and not going backwards going nowhere really *sighs*.