Looking like a couch

Boring.

Boring.

Boring!

I'm bored out of my brains! I think I am going insane!

Nothing to do here, literally. Its strict 'couch rest'. I swear the size of my ass has just about doubled in the last 4 days, I'm going to look like a couch at this rate!

I'm sleeping the day away because there's nothing better to do I'm dreading the groups that start this week I hate opening up talking and disclosing information about my Anorexia the way it makes me think and feel. The two groups I'm dreading most are psychology and family therapy (and goal setting group if you can call it a group) I prefer to keep things to myself! I guess that's half my problem.

I'm ready to get out of here I was ready before I got in here! But I'm complying with the team to get rid of the Nasogastric Tube until they see me fit to make my own decisions and then I will discharge myself I can't stay here for five weeks! I'm hoping they take me off section on Thursday at the latest. I can dream right? And then I will try to give it an extra week to see if I can comply on my own to see if it really can help, I'm not medically compromised so they can't keep me here.

I think two weeks will be plenty long enough because the only reason they would keep me is for family therapy and groups which make me feel claustrophobic and threatened and isolated and silly and stupid and dumb and the list goes on, which we started to do with my OP team anyway and it was much more relaxing. And I didn't have to be away from home. And it wasn't as full on in your face kinda thing.

I'm tempted to tell the team how triggered I am here they want honesty, I'm tempted to ring my psychiatrist P and tell him how triggered I am maybe he will 'save' me? I'm tempted to not comply just to get out of here. Anything to get my butt kicked out of here but I won't ruin the chances of coming back here again if in the future I need it (which I won't) and I won't risk the chance of being sent to the Swanston Centre either.

UPDATE: I've hit a brick wall tonight I'm thinking about ward round tomorrow and I'm scared I'm scared they will say yes to me increasing my meal plan to a full meal plan I'm scared of failing I want to ask if they will take me off the ITO but I'm scared they'd say no and maybe I'm scared they'll say yes I don't know what I want anymore I'm torn that's the only way I can put it but more then that I'm homesick I was doing well at home I want to go back to that it was slow progress but it was still progress. The thought of asking them to take me off my ITO tomorrow is running rampant, everyones praying I see it through but if they were in my position they'd understand how hard this is for me.