Ward round as one may have remembered. And it didn't go my way so I've thrown a tanty. I've gone on a hunger strike. But I have yet again come to the conclusion that it just won't get me nowhere I want to go! So I'm ballsing up and drinking my ensure. My safer option when I'm just not in the mood to eat. It was a plan I came up with to help me achieve 'recovery'.
I rang my dad earlier today and asked him to pick me up regardless of what the team had suggested and he was angry with me for not taking there word into account the thing is though I had already run through all the scenarios in my head.
The only reason it would be against medical advice which I asked specifically about is because there is still "more to the program like cooking and outing". I don't want to do cooking here because I feel overwhelmed and I just don't like engaging in old behaviours I actually enjoyed once upon a time ago. And I don't want to do outing because I went on leave with a friend yesterday and that was so much nicer and less intimidating. Plus I don't even like the lady who does outing she's just not involved in my care at all.
I've so gone off on a tangent lol anyway the point was my dad and I argued so I'm staying another night. But I've been trying all arvo to rope him into picking me up tomorrow he said he can but it won't be until lunch time. I was OK with that otherwise I was going to look into a taxi voucher but I'm not sure it would get me to another city.
And now I'm back at the time where I don't know what the right thing to do is. Well in actual fact I know what the right thing to do is that would be to wait it out the next 9 days but I really don't know what I am going to get out of another 9 days if I don't want to be here in the first place.
I just had supper and opted to eat on the neuro psych side it was much more relaxing I think I am going to eat over there from now on. They even have filtered water! Big thing here the ed side had our water fountain taken away because people were purging in it. Anyway I had a great talk with my contact nurse who didn't judge and accepted and actually helped me work through my thoughts and I think the right decision is to leave! I'm ready and I'm not going to become anymore ready in 9 days then I am now.
There's a new patient today (2 actually) and one of there names is Rebecca I find this quite confronting because I still live under my rock where I believe 'rebeccas' are immune to anorexia and eating disorders.
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