What a boring day I'm scared that the next five weeks will follow the same pattern honestly we sit around on a couch all day long sleeping and watching endless daytime T.V with the in between break up of meals and snacks every few hours 8, 10, 12, 4, 6 and 8 again and then we repeat again the following day. No wonder people go insane! I would too! .... I am.
I'm really hoping that by working with the team they may discharge me earlier then December 4th that would be nice! But in saying that I still don't know how I'm going to last another week or two in this place. I know that this place is the one place that can help me that's why I'm trying to give it my all but I am just so god damn homesick. It makes my heart sink seeing everyone get visitors and then I'm left all by my lonesome in the lounge room but at least then I can turn the T.V off and bask in the silence for an hour or so.
I have no idea why I agreed to come (if you can call it agreeing being told you don't have a choice) I was doing surprisingly well at home something I actually genuinely believe I could of uped the anti and pushed along with my recovery.
It's so triggering being in here being the largest (by no means am I fat I am a healthy weight) person and having everyone eating like mouses and being timed and allowed to do limited movement and not being allowed any free time downstairs. It's just a nightmare but I have to keep reminding myself its better then being in the Swanston Centre. There are far worse things and in the scheme of things 1 week 2 weeks 3 weeks even 5 weeks for an entire lifetime it'll be worth it... I hope.
I refuse to unpack my belongings as I don't plan on being here for the full 5 weeks I plan on being outta here REAL soon! (if I get my way I will be out within 2 weeks) So instead I'm living out of a suitcase. Just want to get back home and do the outpatients thing it seemed to be working well for once, and it's something i want to continue to do :). Best I not get my hopes up though. John Cade is unpredictable. I am however thinking of being transitioned to my full meal plan on monday rather then waiting the extra three days so I can get this ball moving!
I refuse to unpack my belongings as I don't plan on being here for the full 5 weeks I plan on being outta here REAL soon! (if I get my way I will be out within 2 weeks) So instead I'm living out of a suitcase. Just want to get back home and do the outpatients thing it seemed to be working well for once, and it's something i want to continue to do :). Best I not get my hopes up though. John Cade is unpredictable. I am however thinking of being transitioned to my full meal plan on monday rather then waiting the extra three days so I can get this ball moving!
I don't know what my life will be like without Anorexia its been a constant companion for at least the last 3 years but its the leap I'm willing to take (today) I want to be healthy I want to be strong I want to be beautiful I want to love the skin I'm in I want to enjoy life I want to relish in foods without guilt. I want a life!
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