So it's been a while. No I didn't die. Not yet. Still battling on. And when I mean battling I mean BATTLING!
I shut everyone out I haven't been on for what feels like an eternity although I am still trying to read! As far as blogging goes I myself haven't blogged in some time and I'm getting very behind on other people's.
Ward round on Monday really sent me into a tail spin they changed me to bolus feeds :'(. Which wasn't helped by the fact I was told.im on a weight restoration 'meal plan' and I feel this is unnecessary as according to bmi (which I'm not sharing) I am still within healthy limits. I was taken off bed rest and put on lounge rest yay. But I've been back on bed rest since Wednesday because I've had a wicked headache thems the rules if I'm physically unwell I'm to be in bed ugh.
I was just seen by the neurologist not to long ago who dx me with a migraine and is putting me on medication for it. I did have endone this morning and man it was good! I've had paradol 3 xs today and just had another round of endone.
I met with the reg who really listened to me and is putting me back on loraz to help with sleep (as when I wake up after timazepam I get really anxious I've done something 'stupid' re:tube feeds) and then reassessing the 24/7 VS bolus feeds on Monday only two days and three nights I can do that...right? If I can continue to prove I am not tampering with it they may well change me back which would help my mentality tremendously.
On Tuesday I was supposed to meet with a duty worker from a sexual assault victims unit to see how they can be of use to me. The hospital knew this as the time was arranged with them so it wouldn't interfere with anything else but the reg told me today she had consulted with the psych and they all fear I am "too fragile" physically and mentally. So that's been postponed.
The op referral for cardiology that was supposed to be sent a year ago arrived Thursday last week so I got it on Tuesday I showed it to the reg today -everyone whose seen it has laughed at how ridiculous it all is- and she said I wouldn't be able to go to it-the wards locked for gods sake, and probably for good reason!-(even though it's in the same building so I have a feeling she knows she's going to win the tribunal I have a feeling she will too *sigh*) but she's going to see if they can come here instead. So many specialists at the moment it's crazy. Nobody has ever taken my health this seriously in the past and it's scary how seriously they are taking it now.
I have a hearing on Wednesday to see if I stay sectioned or not. I was completely honest and said if you keep me on the bolus I'll fight you for discharge if you change me back to 24/7 exhaust all our options and work collaboratively you're best to leave me on section because based on my impulsivity I would discharge myself come my head too much-as it does quite frequently!
One of my friends the one who bought me in is cranky with me she has a lot on her plate but taking it out on me isn't helping either of us. My other friend it appeared we're playing phone tag. And my other very close one is supposed to be coming up tomorrow but she's supposed to be bringing decorations for my room to get in the Christmas spirit and an electric blanket to keep me warm. Yay these seem positive even if physically I feel really bad. They should keep me preoccupied and make for a GOOD weekend.
This weekend I will prove I'm better then my anorexia and we will see what happens on Monday in accordance with aiming for recovery or letting myself fall into relapse which I really haven't fallen out of I'm being fed via a tube for gods sake. I won't even drink water!
Waiting for this second round of endone and third round of paradol to kick in until then I'm laying in the dark trying to catch up on the blogosphere.
Stay strong much love and well wishes to you all xx
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