When did I get so sick? I can tell you three weeks and one day ago. Tuesday the 17th of February. What I don't understand is how I got so sick so quickly. It was like this little bouncy ball contained in a room now it's like a hot air balloon in that same room no space for anything but the ball. The anorexia.
I got two hours sleep last night of which was spent tossing and turning. I gave up trying to sleep at 4 instead watching my room turn from night to day. It was beautiful and I was alone I felt free even though my thoughts were on over drive.
Well 9am rolled around and the phone calls began I rang my clinic to see if there was any nurses or gps on none at all. So I had to go to plan b a bulk billing clinic I rang the first one suggested to me and turns out it was going to cost me $70 I hung up. Then I rang the next one on my google search they don't bulk bill first appt's. I hung up in tears scared of what the unit manager would do if I didn't get in to see someone so I rang my old clinic which don't generally bulk bill I said I only wanted an appt if they could bulk bill it was an emergency they said they could do it. Relief.
So I got on the bus and figured out my google maps I was prepared to say the least. I arrived at the hospital and set off the unit manager was half an hour late ringing I was in a state of panic. So I rang her. Which meant I didn't have my map. She was all sweet on the phone as per normal it eased my nerves. I was lost and my heart was racing. She located me on google maps just as I found the street.
I sat in the waiting room he was 20minutes late and I was trying not to fall asleep. He didn't see through my lies of "I'm ok I feel fine" my tachycardia is back but not as bad and he thinks my tongue is all weird as my heart might be dehydrated. He sent me for a blood test. I got lost again Hollie (the unit manager) says "I don't blame your poor little brain it has no energy"
So I went and got keys cut turns out I have to go back one isn't cut properly wtf!? Then I went to the nail salon a treat for myself I felt so out of place there. As I sat and he applied claws my phone rang again. It was Hollie I have to see my gp tomorrow "every day every hour is crucial" she wants to be there I said I didn't care if my bloods are screwed off to hospital they think I'm going (I will run) and apparently my psychiatrist appt has been moved from next Friday to next Tuesday! Way to freak me out I wanted more freedom but I suppose less days to stew. Same deal if my intake hasn't changed she thinks he'll section me.
I got home and my mum asked me to eat I said no I can't do it. She said I need help. So I told her about my plan to see a gp tomorrow. She said you need psych help. So I was left with no choice to tell her about my appt with Peter on Tuesday I just hope she doesn't ask questions I don't want her involved and I don't particularly care to explain.
I'm tired gonna lie here and hope I fall asleep.
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