Friday 6 March 2015

The big decision. And the end.

So I didn't post yesterday not a lot happened. Well that's a lie a lot happened I just don't know where to begin so I'll keep this short.

The usual happened I was tired so I slept for a good majority of the day.

I was exhausted after simple tasks I.e tickling my little brother.

And I binge watched eating disorder documentaries. Interventions as they called them. One struck a cord with me and had me in tears she was 18 female had bulimia and was hell bent on destroying her life. I'm 19 anorexia and hell bent on destroying my life. I dunno I could just relate a lot all the built up anger the family 'giving up' it was just too much. I chose to shut it off after I broke down.

I rang a helpline (this is becoming a regular) it was as the name suggests though. Helpful. I had a big decision and she helped me make it. She also offered to give me ongoing support. I obliged. She was nice caring female (I connect with them better) and even made me laugh.

The decision? As much as I hate to do it I'm admitting myself to hospital today. It's no longer fair on my family. I'm waiting in emergency as I type. They may not admit me as I'm not medically compromised which suits me just fine but if they do I may not be able to post for a while so for the short term I think it best to say "goodbye" I'll update as soon as I can xx

UPDATE: hey, hi, I'm back! Long time no see... Jks sorry guys I have a dry sense of humor right now. Well I went to hospital I stayed. Turned out I was medically compromised but not enough to warrant an admission. I presented dehydrated tachycardia and low potassium they fixed that up with saline and potassium infusions (2l later they think I'm all fixed I think they're delusional) I was also hypoglycaemic but refused glucose treatment I was threatened with a tube sectioning and being force given IV glucose I played the "I'm voluntary card" I won. 

I was offered a place in swanno initially scared I declined she was fine with that after going away and thinking about it I thought this is ridiculous I came here for help I reneged and was told "ring jigsaw for op treatment we are no longer offering you a place" so after I was discharged I went back and presented to A&E to see psych triage I hung around for about 30-45mjnutes before residing I give up this is pointless I fighting a losing battle nobody wants to help me and deep down I don't want to help myself so I up and left without telling them it was the best comeback I could come up with pathetic right. 

Well I got home and missed a call from them. They wanted to "make sure your ok" I felt obliged to ring them back so I did I explained what had gone on that I give up and will go home until I pass out he said take it day by day you have our number. In as many words I told him to blow it out his ass. So that's the conclusion. I will go home continue to starve myself and deprive myself of hydration until I pass out I figure I have a few more weeks up my sleeve now I've been "hydrated" take laxatives tonight and tomorrow and I'll solve that problem and be right back at square one.

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