I don't know where I'm headed I have no clear plan I'm simply going through the motions. I feel numb. Like I've sucked on too much ice and it has in turn turned my brain to an icy sculpture. Frozen in time.
Today is Easter. I didn't even get a single egg. On one hand it was depressing on the other hand at least I can't waste calories.
I made chicken and corn soup for dinner (I was supposed to make risotto but didn't feel up to it mentally or physically). Let's just say cooking isn't my strong point I could of been eating salt straight from the cracker. I think I'll stick to the canned pumpkin soup. It's more convenient.
As I mentioned before I didn't feel physically up to cooking turns out my immune system has turned to shit I have a fever some sort of flu for the second time in three weeks. So I stayed in bed most of the day way to spend Easter. At least it wasn't in hospital this year like last.
I am viewing a few rentals this week. It's daunting and exciting. It could totally crush my social life which is already non existent. I could starve myself to death and nobody would notice. How will I support myself when I'm too caught up in fuelling my dads gambling addiction. He's borrowed $550 in the last week specifically for horse racing! I guess I should face facts. I'm never getting paid back. I'm always going to be tethered to this family. I will never gain my independence.
I still refuse to weigh myself. It's just torment. I know the weight I would of gained would be water weight but it's still soul crushing.
Yup I don't know where this is headed so I'm gonna sign off. Goodnight
Xxx stay strong xxX
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