I have been doing it hard since the boy jumped off ship I felt gullible and stupid for letting him in for getting my hopes up and in turn my heart broken. I have been eating laxatives like one would lollies except lollies aren't on the menu and they taste bitter sweet. Quite literally.
I know I will fall from grace.
This moment of recovery is exactly that a moment. I'm planning my decent.
I'm counting down the months then the days (1.5months the rest of december and all of january) I just have to hold myself together until I get back from my holiday (february 11th next year) which should be easy. Whilst I'm away I become to preoccupied with pleasing my grandpa and making my grandma proud of me. I have to be the golden granddaughter. The flawless granddaughter.
I plan to move into student residency next year which in turn requires me to be a student, so I have enrolled in a course that is a bit light hearted; nail technology. I have high hopes. Mostly to get into the course complete the course whilst juggling my Anorexia.
Which reminds me my psychologist is still yet to ring me and arrange a check in appointment my mum thinks I should continue to see them and I probably will but on more of a down low kind of setting maybe I will see if I can see her once every two/four weeks (until I am well relapsed and lost lots of weight)
2015 is my year to get thin again! To feel happy again! To be able to look at myself in a mirror again without being disgusted by what is staring back at me; an obese (who is actually a 'healthy' weight) whale. Thats an insult to whales!
No comments:
Post a Comment