So today I was given half day leave (1pm-5.30pm). It was bliss. I met up with an ex patient i grew close too. She showed me around Melbourne and I looked at everything awe struck like a tourist I felt like I've been living under a rock for the past 19 years of my life. We went to the queen Victoria markets were I bought a $5 agate stone necklace on a leather cord, we went to QV were we had afternoon tea frozen yoghurt (again something I've never tried before but something i will definitely try again) and Big W where I bought a $9 pair of flats. We went to Daiso where everything is literally $2.80 I bought colourful tape and a pencil shaped like a syringe I though it was funny yes my humour is that lame. We went to the emporium where we sampled tea and drank it to our hearts content I bought a coffee mug which i think will be best suited to soup its...too big. But all in all i had a blast we watched buskers and saw homeless people all of which i felt sorry for and blessed to be me.
The decision to discharge or not is looming I'm conflicted and I feel any decision i make will be wrong due to my clouded judgment even though everyone my geelong team, the melbourne team, my friends and my family all urge me to stay the next 10 days and hey what's another 10 days right? 10 days in here is a lifetime. So in preparation for tomorrow if i do decide to leave I have packed my bags. And the dietician has written up the supplement regime that I asked for, I have to let dad know after morning wad round if i want him to pick me up...I think I already know my answer quite obviously for all the wrong reasons.
I honestly want to go home so i can restrict I want to stay here to get better but I want to restrict which would be triggering for all the other patients which is understandable so instead they deal with my restricting with punitive measures of seclusion. I wouldn't mind the seclusion over meal times but I do if thats where I have to remain for an entire day! Margaret dealt with it so well but she was forever lonely good thing she was so malnourished she just slept it off something I'm not too good at, forgetting that is. My mind still races even when I sleep. Plus she was only admitted for two weeks. And I am slowly making progress here gaining extra time off the ward.
Going out today though really made me think I'm missing out on life! It's the sad reality.
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