The bread dilemma

Well I woke up dreading the day to come. Sometimes I wish I was a bear or could put a cork up my ass and hibernate until all thats bad at the moment is finished. Y'know?

I was in a slight state of panic I finished my laxatives last night. I knew I was running low and meant to pick some up on my way home yesterday but I forgot and didn't have my trusty jewellery pouch that I hide them in. So alas I had to make a special trip today and just told my grandma I was picking up phone credit. Not a total lie because I did that just wasn't the main reason I was going. I bought them and went to the toilet I closed the seat and sat there popping 200 pills like candy. I haven't bought laxatives for a good six months! I was shocked when I sat down and thought about it.

I decided to take a nap hopefully sleep through lunch time and dodge the bullet of "You're not eating again" But my grandma came to my room woke me up and said she was making omelettes for lunch and was I going to have one. I played the I already ate breakfast card. No cigar. She was adamant so I agreed to have soup nothing else. She made bread! So I ate my bread and sat there eating my soup until I had had enough of my head. I excused myself from the table and washed it down the sink but it was too late I had already consumed 132 calories! The damage was done. Thank heaven I bought laxatives.

Anyway as I proceeded to do the dishes and busy myself in the kitchen I heard my grandpa saying "Eating nothing again" I just ate 132 calories how is that nothing!? I'm sure you could see the steam puffing out my ears. So now i say fuck it I won't eat I tried. I ate fucking bread! And I hate myself for it.

The reason I even attempted eating was because my gran bought it to my attention if I didn't my grandpa wouldn't be impressed. I'm sick of disappointing everyone. He told me last night when I told him I wasn't going home that I needed to change I couldn't pass out on him and gran they couldn't deal with it and they were too old to have to deal with it alongside there other health complications.

And now after our lunch ordeal I feel I'm not wanted and might as well go out on the streets tonight there's no point staying where your not wanted but I'm not going back to geelong I will find emergency accommodation here my life is here now.