My life has come to an abrupt holt. Every second of every waking minute of every day has turned into what is and isn't Anorexia. How I live and in turn don't live with or without Anorexias' looming presence in my life.
I sit here drinking my 'safe' Chai tea counting down the hours until my impending discharge against all my parents best wishes. But at least I'm not counting the calories (89)... more or less letting the calories dictate me. I'm too exhausted to let this dismal number worry me plus it's already classed as a 'safe' food/drink/condiment.
I'm in the "too hard basket" for the hospital care team and for my parents. My mum see's me as a lost cause "...being in hospital is not important that's going to be her way of life..." real confidence booster there.
No matter where I go I'm a burden on my careers'. This is the way one is made to feel; hopeless and helpless- when all else fails to correct my irregularities, when all else fails to repair the broken remnants of my life.
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