And the terrible days just keep coming

Another terrible day. These are becoming a regular occurrence and I'm not liking it.

Last night I ate so much I was literally regurgitating my food (involuntarily) thank god it wasn't a full blown puke because I don't think I could handle having the tube come out my mouth, I've done that before it's not pretty and the most uncomfortable thing because then you have to pull it out your nose like a long strand of spaghetti or dental floss :P gross!

I'm not dealing with attempting an oral meal plan my anorexia begs me to go throw up or fast or take laxatives none of which I have given into as of yet. But the temptation is growing as my anorexia hates being challenged and undermined.

I had a good sized lunch yesterday and a mammoth dinner. We went out to tea. Something I always find stressful as I always fear everyone is watching and judging me. But I was determined to eat it all. I ordered my usual; chicken parmigiana and chips with gravy. Far too many calories to count *shudders*. At least my parents had some sense and made an executive decision not to hook the NGT feed up.

And to top it off today I had McDonald's for lunch I thought to hell with it I'm supposed to be recovering I'm going to enjoy my food whilst I can. I'm supposed to be eating dinner with the family tonight but I think I will give in to my anorexia and just have potato and leek soup I need a quite head for once. I just told my mum and she seemed fine with my decision.

I weighed in yesterday. Dumb idea. I gained 4.7kilos granted I had eaten and when I was at the lower weight I was quite drastically dehydrated.