The goss

I had a dream last night that I pulled the NGT out as I couldn't handle the increase and that I was sent to the swanston centre and had another one reinserted. I was so glad (to a degree) that when I woke up it was still in situation. 

So now to get down onto the goss. My psychiatrist came in today which was such a relief although I was feeling nauseated due to anxiety about what he was going to say, whether I was allowed to go home or be sent to the local psych ward. Which is like a locked jail. It's isolating and desolate. It's anxiety provoking and depression evoking. It's just outright a nightmare!

The outcome; he's going to ring JC (specialist unit) today and get back to us tomorrow on how going home in the meantime might jeopardise my place on the waiting list. If I go home it will be with the NGT 24/7, and working towards an oral meal plan. I could go home tomorrow! All depends on jc. And as long as I don't tamper with the tube or try to run away I get to stay on the medical ward! Yippee. Also I now no longer require a CPO :D privacy come at me bro.

The dietician is likely to increase my feeds to my target rate today from 40mls to 70mls! I know that's not much in reality but to me it's heaps!

My psychiatrist believes the NGT is the soul thing keeping me alive at the moment and unfortunately I know this to be true. I guess I just have to keep plodding along.