My psychiatrist has been unable to get in contact with John Cade which means I'm still no closer to home but at least I am able to stay on the medical ward whilst I'm complying in the meantime. So looks like I will be spending the weekend here :( I really wanted to go home today but all hope was dashed when the dietician said it would take her a day to organise the pump and feeds so then I put my eggs into tomorrow's basket which again hasn't worked out to plan with my psychiatrist being unable to get in contact with JC. I guess I should treat this like a holiday? With the peace away from arguing children day in day out. It's not a very nice holiday but at least it's free.
Apparently if I'm allowed to go home with the NGT it will run over 11hrs instead of 24 and I will be switched over to a more dense formula. Which has me in a state of panic all I can think of is more calories even though I know it works out to be the same amount of calories just administered over a shorter period of time.
I'm still on strict bed rest with toilet privileges only to conserve my energy which sucks but at least my toileting isn't supervised like it has been in the past.
My psychologist came and visited which was lovely to see although I would of much preferred to see her in outpatients. Hopefully next week. It was a really positive recovery focused session. She thinks that to avoid me getting so sick they need a longer earlier intervention which I hated to agree with even though in my heart of hearts I know she's probably right I'm not invincible like my anorexia leads me to believe. And she reiterated that as long as I don't tamper with the tube I can stay here she also reminded me I am sick and I do deserve this bed hence why I have an NGT. Which my psychiatrist yesterday said was the only thing keeping me alive at the moment, which is scary to think about.
One of my other anorectic friends was admitted to the swanston centre yesterday she really didn't want to go and rightfully so I don't want to go either! I feel so bad for her but I guess I need to focus on myself.
I've been preoccupying my time watching movies sleeping and crocheting. I lead a very monotone life at the moment.
I'm even considering applying for an online course in dietetics and nutrition to help pass the time and give me that little bit extra motivation.
An oral meal plan still hadn't entered through my mouth. They bring in the meal tray and I become physically paralysed from fear! But my team are happy with my progress with the NGT and my compliance with not tampering or pulling the tube out. I'm trying so hard and it's great that it's paying off and everyone can see my perseverance.
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